Anyway, Liam has been getting negative reports from his teacher from his Pre-k class and there has seem to be problems with Liam in class. From the start of the second week the teacher said that Liam's behavior was of such concern that the teacher started sending home a behavior chart that has three catagories: Hands/Feet to self, Listening, Group. Ahmie since the first note has tried on several occasions to be in contact with the teacher via e-mail, but the teacher has not responded.
We tried to support this behavior chart by removing privileges from getting poor ratings (frown faces) and giving incentives for good ratings (smiles) and nothing for neutral ratings (neutral face). We tried to do this for about 2 weeks until This Thursday when Ahmie tried to ask the teacher when picking up Liam about why Liam is still getting Frown faces in his behavior chart, the teacher told Ahmie that "you should ask your son and his friend."
When I got that phone call from Ahmie I was livid because of the unprofessional nature of the response. Then I was told that Liam was not given his snack in class because of his behavior. Now Liam had told me about him earning his snack back last week later in the week, I had thought he meant that he had earned his juice for the ride home from school. I was pissed and still am.
I can see perhaps that I am getting one part of the story and I should not get so incised but the lack of story from the teacher's side of the conversation is not good either. As a teacher I could not tell a parent why their child was written up by responding "why don't you ask your child?"
I am so very angry for several reasons.
1) Where does the teacher think she has the right to withhold food from my child? When I was managing a group home I could get in trouble if I did this to any of my clients. Where does she think she has the right to ostracize my child in this way in front of his classmates.
2) The behavior chart is meaningless since the teacher has failed to define what she meant with these ratings.
3) If his behavior was so difficult to manage why is it that the teacher not contacting us about working together to help Liam be better behaved in class.
4) If she is charting the behavior, for what reason, and to what end? Charting is pointless unless the teacher has a plan of action to correct my son's actions in class. If she does have a plan, she has yet to let us know anything about it. Since this was the second week of her charting my son's behavior his behavior is not changing, so what is next?
5) When Ahmie asked the teaching assistant in the class about what is going on in class the assistant did not seem to think Liam's behavior is that extraordinarily bad.
6) Why is the teacher so lazy that she could not communicate with us so that we can help parent our child so he can behave better. She has not given any communication about any incident at school who Liam may have hit or kicked, or tripped? Without any context I cannot in good judgement punish my child for his misbehavior. Without information we cannot have Liam apologize to the kids he may have hurt.
7) Liam is starting to dislike school because of all of this, he only goes to school for like 3 hours a day and there is no way that this teacher will make my son hate school.
I really want to be the ugly parent and rant and rave at the teacher and give her a piece of my mind. However this is not productive as much as I wish to do it.
1) Liam has picked up that Ahmie does not like his teacher. I cannot let Liam see me yell at his teacher, that would be disrespectful. I don't like it done to me so I should not do it to others.
2) I should really see what is going on. Monday I am taking half a day off to observe the class interactions.
I should be very precise and critical with the teacher and with the information that I already have I think I can evaluate her with a very cold critical eye.
I really want my son to love to go to school and learn, he is starting to ask good questions about things. Like he asked about the moon, I try to explain it to him in a scientific way.
Apparently Liam has learned to be quite careful about recycling his things before throwing things out.
I guess we are doing something right.
2 comments:
In a few places you're information is wrong/out of sequence. We really should have been going over his behavior charts and notes together each night, but I've been so exhausted with trying to adjust my sleep schedule. He got his first behavior chart home the week of Labor Day (second week of school). He just finished his 4th week of school, so he's been getting these charts for 2 weeks and has yet to get one without a single frown on it from what I remember (but she doesn't let us keep them so I can't be sure of that). The withholding of snack was last week not the one that just ended (3rd week of school, first one to be a 5 day week with the every-other-Friday-off thing). The "ask your son what he did" comment was earlier this week, I think Wednesday if not Tuesday. I wrote back on the behavior chart that afternoon that Liam and his friend were unable to tell me what he did to get the frown that day. Then I got the response back on Thursday's behavior chart that was all defensive ("there are three adults in the room that can verify he's hitting/kicking on a daily basis" - yet she's the only one I hear anything from, the teaching assistant hasn't directly said anything about his behavior but when I told her he'd lost cartoons, juice, and had his bedtime moved up and lost playtime before nap as a result of the really bad day he had the 3rd week she seemed a bit taken aback by the consequences - she is also the one that I let know that I had included a list of his consequences and rewards for various configurations of behavior chart responses (and I do remind him that he got to keep privileges that he would have lost to a frown when I give him juice and let him play before naptime after lunch, which he loses for 2 and 3 frowns respectively). I have repeatedly asked in writing for details as to the incidents so that Liam can write an apology note and also so I can isolate if he's possibly picking on one specific kid (which would be really surprising given how generally compassionate he has always been to those he can tell are weaker/younger than himself) or figure out if he's just playing rough consensually with the other child (which I would see as a "concerned" face - the middle face isn't neutral, it's worried looking - not a frown, frown should in my view be reserved for aggressive/violent intentional actions, concern is appropriate for rough play when someone might get hurt and should still lose a smile for the day, but the behavior needs to be redirected and guided as that is his and many boys' preferred play style).
Liam is sitting next to me plowing through the play sections of the learn to read part of starfall.com right now. He can do the first 8 perfectly without help, he's doing the 13th one that requires figuring out the first AND last letter of a word with the middle letters ee and he can do it if I continue to pronounce the target word for him... the wrong answer is too rewarding though, he LIKES the weird sounds it makes to indicate an incorrect choice).
Hmm, well first off, it is illegal, yes, illegal according to Ohio's Child Care licensing laws to withhold food as a form of punishment. As a matter of fact, it is considered a Serious Risk Violation, and can put the Center in a very bad light with the state licensing authority should they learn of such behavior, and it is verified by a licensing specialist.
As far as changing behaviors goes... the best thing that can be done is modeling of appropriate behavior, and provisions of other alternative acceptable behavior when Liam is violent to others. For most preschoolers, behavior charts are simply ineffective, they do not have the cognition or impulse control to connect a smile or frown face on a piece of paper to their actual behavior in the moment. If there are 3 people in the room, and Liam is 3 or 4, there can't by law be more than 24 or 28 children in the room. You can only double the ratio of the age group: 3's is 2:24 and 4's is 2:28. So, with a third person in the room, I see no reason if the class is run well, with developmentally appropriate activities planned and executed that a teacher or aid isn't able to keep a handle on the violent behaviors. They should be doing an environmental inventory to determine if there is a pattern to the hitting/kicking, say if it happens at circle time, it is more than appropriate to give a child that lacks impulse control a bumbo type seat to help them stay in their own space. Or, have one of the 3 teachers sit next to him during group activities and provide a gentle hand on his back or arm/leg to help remind him that he can not hit/kick. Not in a disciplining way, just a "laying on of hands" type thing to provide sensory feedback to him. A sensory diet may not be a bad idea either, a weighted blanket (during circle time to help remind him), or some other sensory break if he is having difficulty keeping control of his behavior. http://www.sensorysmarts.com/diet.html
Hope you can work out or have already the issues. If I can be of any assistance... e-mail me. This is what I do :) amthomas718 @ mac.com
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